They are being disrespectful.
They are publicly criticising you.
They might even be bullying you.
They are undermining you.
They aren’t fulfilling their duties.
They might even be stealing your ideas (and passing them off as their own.)
And in your head you are raging.
You are pissed.
How dare they?
And yet, they still dare.
How could they?
And yet, they still do.
When I was entrenched in my unspoken battle with my boss, I said to myself, “I am better than this. I am better than her.”
I was competing with her every step of the way.
Our relationship wasn’t about collaborating, it was about competing.
And, I was determined to win no matter what.
So everyday, I not only put on my professional clothes, but I also put on my battle gear, and with it my battle face and my battle mindset.
“You can’t touch me,” I said to myself.
But she did.
Looking back now, after looking deeply at my own behavior and thought patterns, I can clearly see how my positive attitude on the outside, but my battle-ready demeanor on the inside, was never going to solve my work conflict.
As long as I was stuck in “I WIN” and “YOU LOSE,” I was never going to find common ground with my boss.
YOU AREN’T GOING TO EITHER.
As long as you hold tight to your belief that their behavior is wrong and your behavior is right, you are never going to win. You will never resolve your situation.
Even if you leave this job, and find another, the conflict will follow you. (It might already exist in other areas of your life.)
Holding on to being “right” is one of the KEY reasons that you are NOT able to resolve your conflict. I know, because I see it with my clients all the time.
So, tell me, how can you look at your colleague or boss as an ally rather than the enemy, so that YOU can transform your relationship into one of collaboration?