Without going into too many details, there was a situation that happened at my old job, where I made a choice that benefitted everyone involved tremendously, but involved a small lie.
Maybe not the most ethical of choices, but I was thinking of the bigger picture at the time, and in the end the lie was never revealed and the problem was resolved quickly and efficiently.
(A lie is a lie, is a lie. I know.)
When I told my boss about what happened she was like, “Great, glad you got that resolved.”
Then a few days later her opinion of the situation did an about face.
I was in her office with the other staff member who was involved in the lie and she said, “I told my boss about what happened she thinks I need to formally write you up for the unethical way that you handled the situation.” Etc, etc.
I stood there dumbfounded.
In my head I was thinking all sorts of things:
But just the other day you praised me for handling it so easily.
You made no mention then of a poor decision, or an unethical one.
And how dare you reprimand me in front of someone else.
And what about ‘him”? He and I made the decision together?
Oh yeah, he is one of your “favorites.”
And while we are on the subject of ethics, let’s talk about when you…..
And around and around it went in my head.
It was like my mind was sputtering, as I was being taken to task by a teacher or a parent.
Did I say any of these things out loud?
Of course, not.
I had a habit of staying silent when reprimanded.
Then I would go home and cry about.
Then I would proceed to beat myself up about.
Then I would yell to my heart’s content about how unfair the person was.
What I didn’t do, was stick up for myself.
Yes, I did something wrong. I fully admit that.
It wasn’t that I she reprimanded me that really got me. It was how.
Specifically the fact that she did it in front of another staff member. A staff member who I oversaw, which in turn could have discounted my credibility with that person.
Since then I have learned 2 important things.
- That I have a habitual response of staying silent when scolded by someone in “power.”
- How to speak up for myself in a way that allows me to maintain my self-respect and doesn’t damage the relationship.
If the second learning sounds interesting, then I have something for you.
I have created a free guide called BE HEARD WITHOUT BEING A BITCH.
In it, you will go through 4 steps to identify what you really want from the relationship, and how to craft the conversation in a way that will lead to you getting the respect you deserve.
If you are interested, you can grab it at www.thrivewithin.com/free