I was complaining.
I was bitching.
I was blaming.
I was snapping.
I was going in early.
I was coming home late.
I was bringing work home.
I stopped listening.
“How was your day honey?”
And then before he even finished, I would launch into some tirade about my awful boss.
For almost 2 years, I don’t think I had a clue what my husband was doing, or how he was feeling.
It was me, me, me, me.
Well more like poor me, poor me, poor me.
I also started MOTHERING HIM.
I felt like I had no control of my situation at work, so I came home and tried to control him instead. (Yes, some men like to be mothered, but my husband isn’t one of them.)
And it wasn’t just my husband either. It was my parents, my siblings, my friends. EVERYONE around me was being drawn into my drama at work because I couldn’t stop complaining about it.
Looking back now, I know that I was hoping that someone would have quick fix, but no one did (and even if they did, it would have only been a band-aid, when I really needed a tourniquet.)
When I finally decided to look inward for a solution, rather than outward, I was able to see how my negative work situation was affecting almost every relationship that I had.
It was one of those “A-ha” and “Oh, shit” moments.
When I finally “saw the light,” as they say, I was able to see how my relationship with my boss, wasn’t just about my boss--it translated into how I was being with a whole host of people in my life, and strangers too.
I quit my job because it was the only solution that I could see, but quitting didn't make me feel better because I hadn't dealt with the inner issues.
It was only when I did that, that I was able to take responsibility, stand up for what I wanted, and repair the relationships in my work life and personal life.
If you are worried that your negative work life may be affecting your personal life, take step back and try to see what you aren't seeing.
Are you bringing that negativity home each day?
Is that negativity poisoning some of your other relationships?
If you still can't see it, ask the people you care about most to tell you what it is like to be with you at the moment.
It will take courage, but I know you can turn this negativity around.