At the time, though, I never would have dared admit that to myself or to anyone else for that matter. I didn’t see it, nor did I want to see it.
But, the fact of the matter was that she had the job that I wanted, and she was two years my senior, so it wasn’t like she had loads more experience than I did.
Add to that, the fact that she was often not around, while some days I felt like I was running all over the place doing both her job and mine.
Add to that, the fact that she lived in a penthouse apartment with a view.
If you were to write it as a mathematical equation, it would look something like this.
JOB I WANTED + OFTEN ABSENT + KICK ASS APARTMENT = MY JEALOUSY
There were probably some other things lurking around the corners too.
But here’s the thing, we often don’t realize that we are are jealous. We feel anger or resentment, or any other range of negative feelings, but we don’t bring it back to jealousy, even though it seems to be the core of the matter.
In the past few weeks, while coaching my clients, I have come across a range of situations where I believe jealousy was at play. Here are some examples:
- Jealousy that someone had connections which secured them their position, while you had to climb the ladder.
- Jealousy of someone’s laissez-faire, laid back attitude, while you are uber serious and even a little uptight.
- Jealousy of someone’s ability to so easily break the rules, while you have always been a rule follower and it seems very constraining.
- Jealousy of someone’s lack of integrity, while integrity has always been your middle name.
- Jealousy of someone’s power and position, while you consider yourself to have none.
- Jealousy of someone’s apparent incompetence, while you are always working your ass off, yet you share the same title and salary.
Sometimes jealousy is about what other people HAVE that we don’t. (Position, money, etc.)
Other times jealousy is about who other people ARE, and we are not. (Different values or ways of BEING.)
My jealousy of my boss was a combination of the two.
Your jealousy can lead you in 1 of 2 directions:
- Toward a life of resentment, anger, frustration, insecurity, and the like.
- Toward a life of growth and learning, where you see others as shining beacons which will lead you to embracing new ways of being, having, and doing.
My jealousy started as the former, and turned into the latter.
Where is your jealousy taking you?