I call these stories. Don’t these stories just suck?
I know that I tell myself this story all too often. When I put on a pair of jeans straight out of the dryer. When I look in the mirror at night, after a fabulous meal, and a very full belly. When I am standing behind a beautiful model-like woman in the line at the grocery store. When I am flipping through my women’s fitness magazines.
It feels like torture. The sad fact is that we are torturing ourselves. With all of this negative self-talk and story telling we are literally beating ourselves up emotionally. Yet, we do it all the time. (There is a psychotherapist named Rick Carson, who calls this inner voice our “Gremlin.” I like the image that conjures for me.)
So what do we do?
One of my hardest moments with this was when my life coach gave me the homework of standing in front of the mirror naked for 5 minutes each day. I had to just notice and not judge. Five minutes is a long time to not tell yourself the “not good enough” story. It did help, though, so thank you Lynda!
After spending some quality time noticing, the next step for me was to start questioning. Is this story really true? Who am I comparing myself to? Why am I comparing myself to anyone? What possibilities lie in telling myself this story? What is this story doing to me?
My final step, and one that I am still working on, is changing the story. We have no control over our thoughts. They pop into our heads without the slightest effort on our part. Once the thoughts are there, though, we can decide what to do with them. We can change them, just like we can change a song we are listening to. We can skip ahead to a song that we like better, and that makes us feel better.
“I am not good enough,” can become any number of things:
· “I am who I am.”
· “I am good enough.”
· “I am confident and accepting of my body.”
· “I am damn good.”
· “I am strong and fit.”
· “I am beautiful.”
· “I am amazing.”
What you decide to turn your story into is up to you. You can change your story into the same thing each time, or come up with a new story every time. The important part is to turn the negative story into something powerful and positive for you. A story that will allow you to THRIVE!
The last thing that I want to mention is the importance of supporting each other in this journey. As women, we tend to do enough to pull ourselves down, and we don’t need to worry about others doing it to us as well. We need to build each other up. We need to create a community of strong and beautiful women. Competing with each other, even in our mind, or comparing ourselves to one another just continues the cycle and the damage.
If you are interested, give a gift to your friend or family member that not only says that you think they are beautiful, but that you want them to think that about themselves too. Check out Our Beautiful Project.