The other day, I shared a video about fear and most of the commenters noted that their major fear was around failure, or embarrassment, or negative feedback, etc,.
All of which got me thinking…
When I think of my past “failures”, there is always someone else involved in the equation, and I deem myself a “failure” based on someone else’s unfavorable response to something I did or didn’t do.
And this has been going on my whole life...
>>I failed a test because my teacher decided I wasn’t up to his/her standard.
>>I failed to get into a specific university because the admissions office decided I wasn’t a fit.
>> I failed at an interview because someone didn’t offer me the job.
>> I failed to persuade my husband that we really need a second car.
>> I failed to sell out my e-course because not enough people signed up.
In each and every case, my “failure” is dependent on someone else’s action.
What if we take the other person out of the failure equation?
>> What if instead of failing a test because I didn’t meet a specific standard, I actually succeeded at the test because I studied hard, I did better than the previous test, I answered more questions, etc?
>> What if instead of failing to get into a university, I simply wasn’t the right fit?
>> What if I instead of failing at an interview, I succeeded in maintaining my confidence and cool under pressure, I prepared for the interview by doing some mock interviews, I answered all the questions succinctly, and I was authentic?
>> What if instead of failing to persuade my husband, I instead planted a seed that if watered regularly, might bloom some day?
>> What if instead of failing to sell out my e-course, I relish the fact that I created a new e-course from scratch, with hours of fabulous content, and used multiple new marketing channels to get visible?
So, what if instead of having an equation like this?
OUR GENUINE EFFORTS + SOMEONE ELSE’S REACTION = FAILURE
It were to be this?
OUR GENUINE EFFORTS = SUCCESS
Looking back, I know that there are still plenty of examples where I still “failed” even if you take the other person out of the equation because I know that I wasn’t BEING or DOING my best. I wasn’t living with integrity. I wasn’t practicing my values. Those I can own.
For the rest, though, I know that there is room for celebrating my successes, even if someone else would have seen it is as “failure.”
This is definitely a work in progress for me, what about you?
What if you took out the other person from the equation? What successes can you celebrate?