Sorry if that doesn't sit well with you, but it's the truth.
We teach people how to treat us, and if you are continuing to put everyone else's needs above your own, you are destined to stay where you are--on the back burner.
I used to be a major people-pleaser.
I was the the helpful one.
I was the family mediator.
I would even offer to help relative strangers in big ways.
One time I even offered a community shop owner to cover her shop a couple afternoons a week so she could have a break. What!?!?!?
My coach nicknamed me the Frenzied Martyr because I would run around trying to solve everyone else's problems at the expense of my own self-care and happiness.
My self-care comes before my care for others because I have learned the hard way, that we can't give from an empty cup.
Luckily I learned this before becoming a mom, otherwise I would have been totally screwed.
Since getting sucked down this personal development path, I have learned a great deal about myself and why I was such a martyr.
Here is the big secret....
I was insecure.
If you are one of those people who has also put yourself on the back burner, it is because you are insecure too.
I am not saying that all compassionate, helpful people are insecure, but there are a great many of us that are.
We put everyone's needs above our own because we need acknowledgment.
We need to be liked.
We need to feed our ego.
Our self-worth is completely tied up in what other people think of us.
Here are some things that I have had to learn along the way:
- How to be proud of who I am regardless of what I have done or achieved
- How to feel confident even if people don't agree with my decisions
- How to stand up for myself when people criticize me, my choices, or my opinions
- How to set boundaries and say no
- How to follow more of my wants, rather than the shoulds
So here is my question to you:
Are you on the back burner because you want to be, or are you on the back burner because you need to be in order to feel good about who you are?
If it is the latter, let's talk.