My new boss wanted to chose her 2nd in command, and I wanted to work in a different neighborhood, with at risk kids.
Neither of us were happy with the placement, but we did our best.
Okay, that isn't true. I didn't do my best. I did my best with the kids and with the teachers, but definitely not with her.
After the first year, I yearned to be transferred, but I didn't dare ask. What would it look like to work in 3 different schools in 3 years. Awful, right?
I felt trapped, but knew I had to grin and bear it.
In the end, I didn't make it through the second year. I quit. It was March. Only 3 1/2 months left in the school year, but I was done.
Many people looked at my decision and thought it took courage to quit. That I was acting out of a desire to move on and be happy.
In reality it wasn't desire that made me quit, it was fear--fear of being fired.
Since then, I have realized that there are really only 2 drivers to our actions. Fear and desire.
When we take action, or don't take action (which in itself is an action), we are driven by one of these two factors.
We are either acting because we are afraid of a certain outcome, so we try to avoid it, or we are acting out of desire because we deeply want something.
Fear pushes is in a certain direction, while desire pulls us.
When we continue to take actions out of fear, when we are pushed, we end up feeling trapped, stuck, and/or powerless.
Here is how fear played into my situation:
- I had a bad relationship with my boss out of fear--I felt threatened by her, while also thinking I was better than her. (It wasn't good.)
- I stayed even though I hated it because I was afraid of how it would look on my resume.
- I quit because I was afraid of being fired.
Here is my challenge to you. Look at areas in your life where things aren't going the way you want them to go. You don't have to be miserable like I was, but you are probably lacking enthusiasm and energy. It could be a work, your love life, with regard to your health, with your children, etc.
How did you get here? How did your fears push you into this situation? What are you really afraid of? What bold moves can you take to overcome your fear, and let your desire shine through?
If our actions are driven by fear or desire, who do you want driving? I chose desire.