Seconds later, I heard a thump, followed by a blood curdling scream. I raced in to see what had happened. I saw my son face first on the floor, and my husband quickly putting his phone away as he ran over to help him.
My first thought was, “How the hell did he (my husband) let that happen?”
Second thought was, “What the fuck was he doing on his phone?”
I immediately stepped in and grabbed my son to comfort him.
In a moment of crisis and hurt, I went directly to blame.
In a moment of crisis and hurt, I stepped in because I could “do it better.”
I did the exactly same thing when I was working for my not-so-great-boss.
I was miserable. I was in crisis. I was hurting emotionally. And I needed someone to blame The only logical person was my boss. She had created this situation after all?
Or had she?
Just as my husband didn’t create the situation with my son, my boss didn’t create my situation either.
Yes, I felt unhappy.
Yes, I felt undermined.
Yes, I felt disappointed.
Yes, I felt disrespected.
Yes, I felt frustrated.
Yes, I felt unworthy.
But my former boss isn’t the one to blame for those feelings. Those feelings are mine to own. We have this false belief that other people MAKE US FEEL the way we do, but that simply isn’t true. We feel the way we do because we think the way we do. If we want to change our feelings, we must first change our thoughts.
And if we want to change our thoughts, we must acknowledge them.
We also must step AWAY from blaming other people, and also from blaming ourselves. We will never be able to create a new reality for ourselves, and change our work situation, if we are always seeking to place blame instead of solve the problem.
If you are having a problem at work, it is yours to own, and yours to solve.
What would be different for you if you couldn’t blame anyone for your current situation?