How can that be, you ask?
When I work with clients, trust is a major part of the conversations and the work that we do. I hear things like:
He broke my trust.
She can’t be trusted.
I can never trust them again.
Of course, I trust him, I trust him to be an asshole.
When we dive deep into it, there are usually some key elements that come up. If I were to define trust based on what my clients think it is, this is what they would say:
1) Trust means doing things exactly how I would do them when I am being my best self.
2) Trust means never breaking my heart, or hurting my feelings--EVER.
3) Trust means being able to read my mind.
4) Trust means never letting your own shit, emotions, or growth change your behavior.
4) Trust means never letting life’s shit, accidents, and happenstance change your behavior.
I am laughing as I write this. It seems so absurd when I put it down in writing because I often operate in the same way.
Do I trust people? Yes, I do.
I trust their humanness.
I trust that they are doing the very best that they can, even when it hurts me.
I trust that sometimes their values and their actions won’t align.
I trust that sometimes the shit will hit the fan and I may be left out in the cold.
I trust that their emotions will get the better of them.
Yet, I still trust them.
I still give them my love and compassion.
I do so for several reasons. 1) Because I know that trust for others is easier when I trust myself, 2) Because trust is easier when communication is open and honest, and 3) Because above all else we are connected, and without trust we cannot connect, and without connection, we cannot survive.