This concept of hidden commitments has been explored by various psychologists, and can be hard to wrap your head around. It is probably easiest if I give you examples from my own life so that you can understand what I am taking about. Here are some of my hidden commitments and how they manifest in my life.
- I am committed to being perfect and not failing, which means that sometimes I don’t act because I am worried that it won’t turn out as I want it to, and thus I will have failed.
- I am committed to being strong and independent. Sometimes, when I am in crisis I fail to ask for support or help because I don’t want to appear weak or needy.
- I am committed to being right and knowing more than you. When engaged in a conversation with someone who doesn’t share my opinion, rather than listen to what they have to say, I am planning my retort so that I can prove my point.
- I am committed to looking good in other people’s eyes. This happens more than I would probably want to admit, but often manifests when I tell stories, where I am the main character, and those stories tend to get bigger than they really are.
What are your hidden and undeclared commitments?